I don't even know why I'm writing this. I guess cause it feels like it's gonna burst out of me if I don't. And I can't tell anyone here. Everyone knows everyone, you know? Like, if I told my friend Sarah she'd tell her mom and then her mom would tell my mom and then it'd be this whole THING. And I just... I can't. So I guess I'm telling anonymous internet people. That's kinda pathetic, huh? Whatever. So last night was the big dinner. For the award. We won. Like, WE WON. My family's restaurant. The big fancy award thing. It's supposed to be like, the biggest deal ever for a chef, right? And everyone was there. Everyone from town. My aunt Carol, even Mr. Henderson from the hardware store, like, EVERYONE. And they were all saying stuff like "oh my gosh you're gonna be FAMOUS" and "this is gonna put us on the MAP" and my dad was all puffed up, you know, like he finally did something good. I mean, he's a good dad, whatever, but he always talks about how he never got out of this town, how he always wanted more. And now we GOT more. We got this stupid award. And I was in the kitchen, like, cooking all the food for the celebration dinner after. Like, making the stuff everyone was gonna eat. My dad was out there, all smiles, shaking hands, like the BIG chef. And I was back here, just... cooking. And then everyone left. Like, every single person. The whole restaurant was empty. It was super late. And I was still in the kitchen. And I was hungry. I hadn't eaten anything the whole night cause I was so busy cooking, like, every single day, every day it's cook, cook, cook. So I just, like, grabbed some leftovers. From the dinner. It was a cold piece of chicken, like, just a drumstick. And some potatoes, all squishy. And I sat there, at one of the prep tables, under the ugly fluorescent light, and ate it. Alone. Like, everyone else was gone, probably at home, all happy for us, for the restaurant. And I was eating a cold chicken drumstick in the dark, dirty kitchen. And I just... I felt so stupid. Like, what was the point? We won the big award, the thing everyone dreams about, the thing my dad always talked about, and I just felt... empty. Like it was all just fake. Like I was supposed to be happy, you know? But I just wanted to cry. And I still do. It's so dumb. I mean I don't even — whatever. It's just... I wish I could feel what everyone else feels. Like it matters.