Okay so. I just… I don’t even know what to say. Anyone else ever feel like they’re just… running on empty? Like you just pulled off this HUGE thing, this MASSIVE accomplishment, and then you’re just… alone? I guess I’m just feeling really weird right now. Really flat. Like I should be happy but I’m just not. So tonight, my restaurant, we won this big award. Like, THE big award. People were talking about it for weeks, months even. Chefs I respect, they were there, nodding, clapping. My name was called, and it was loud, you know? Everyone stood up. My staff, they worked their asses off for this, really truly. My partner was there, my kids, my parents even. My mom actually looked proud for once, which is kind of… something. We had this huge celebratory dinner after. Champagne, laughing, everyone taking pictures. So much noise. So much. It was exactly what I pictured, sort of. All those years, all those late nights, missing kids’ stuff, missing… everything. It was all for this, right? But then everyone left. Everyone. Partner had to get home, kids had school tomorrow. My parents needed a ride to their place, and then my mom started complaining about her back so I had to make sure she took her pills, kind of like I always do. The kitchen was empty. Just me. And I was starving, right? But everything was put away. I didn’t even wanna look at another fancy dish. So I just… grabbed some leftover pasta from a staff meal. Cold. Ate it standing up. In the dark almost, just the pilot lights on the stoves humming. Just me and the hum. No cheers. No congratulations. Just the hum. And that’s when it hit me. Like, I’m supposed to be on top of the world right now. This is it. The thing I worked my whole life for. And I’m eating cold spaghetti, alone, in a silent kitchen, thinking about my dad’s blood pressure meds. Like, what the HELL is that? Am I a bad person for feeling this way? Like I just wanted someone to… I don’t know. Just BE there. Just for a second. Without needing something from me. Just to exist. Is this what it’s like? To get everything you want and still feel… hollow? I don’t get it. I really don’t. I guess maybe I just need to sleep. It’s probably just tiredness, right? I'm just… so tired. But it feels bigger than that. Way bigger. Like a big stupid empty hole. Ugh. Whatever.