i just got home from work and i wanna scream but im so tired i just wanna cry instead cuz what even is my life right now i swear today was another one of those days where im just nodding along nodding along to karen in finance going off about how students these days are too soft and oh its because of xyz liberal agenda blah blah blah and im just sitting there like please please let this end my brain cells are dying and my rent is due next week and i have a paper due for my political science class that literally argues the opposite of everything shes saying but im just like oh yeah wow thats so interesting karen totally see your point and meanwhile im dying inside like a little piece of my soul just shrivels up every time i have to fake agree with this stuff because if i dont what then you know i need this job its not some side hustle its like my actual livelihood im a student im trying to make it work im trying to pay for books and food and everything and this job is actually pretty good pay for an admin role and the benefits are okay but the cost is just immense like later dave from accounting comes over and hes like hey did you hear about that new bill passing through the state senate and its like oh god here we go again and he starts ranting about how its gonna destroy everything and its all part of some grand scheme and again im just like hmm interesting point dave really makes you think and im thinking about how im literally trying to write a paper on why that bill is actually a step in the right direction but i cant say that can i i cant say any of it i just have to sit there and smile and nod and internally im like tearing my hair out cuz its not just a job its my whole identity i feel like im betraying everything i believe in just to keep a roof over my head and then i get home and i just stare at my computer screen and i cant even start my paper cuz my brain is just mush from all the forced agreement and all the internal screaming and its like do i even know what i believe anymore or have i just become a robot that says what people want to hear i dont even know i just feel so numb but also so angry at the same time and im just sitting here in my dimly lit apartment alone and i just wanna like yell into the void or something just to get it all out what am i even doing this for is it even worth it to pretend to be someone im not every single day just to survive i just dont know how much longer i can keep this up without like completely losing my mind or something and i know everyone has to make compromises but this just feels like its eating me alive you know it just feels like it's TOO MUCH and im so tired of it all