I guess this isn't a huge deal but I need to get it out. This is like the third time this week, maybe the fourth? I don't know, it all just blurs together now. I work as a home health aide, which is fine, it pays the bills and more for college tuition, so that's good. But I'm doing double shifts all the time. Like, back to back. So I'll be at Mrs. Henderson's from 7 am to 3 pm, then literally drive across town, sometimes in awful traffic, to be at Mr. Davies's place from 4 pm to midnight. It's a lot. My car kinda smells like old people now, which is a weird thing I've noticed. It's just a constant cycle. Anyway, the issue is the bus. I don't have enough money for gas for my car for all that driving, so I take the bus for some of the shifts. The bus stop is like a mile from my house, which is fine normally, but after a 16-hour day, it feels like a marathon. The past few nights, I've been getting on the bus, finding a seat, and just... falling asleep. It's not like a gentle drift off. It's like my brain just… shuts down. Total blackout. I set an alarm but sometimes I sleep right through it. Or my phone dies. It’s usually dead by midnight anyway. So, last night, it happened again. I was on the bus home from Mr. Davies's, slumped against the window. I remember thinking, *just stay awake, just five more stops*. But then I woke up with a jerk, the bus was empty except for me and the driver, and we were parked at the very end of the line. The driver was just looking at me in the rearview mirror, kinda patiently. He didn't say anything, but his expression was... neutral. Just observing. I felt this weird flush, like I'd been caught doing something really bad, even though I was just sleeping. I mumbled, "Oh, sorry, I missed my stop." And he just nodded. No judgment, which was almost worse. I had to wait like half an hour for the next bus to go back the other way, and by the time I actually got off at my stop, it was almost 2 AM. The walk home felt endless. My feet were killing me. I just kept thinking, *This is stupid. This is so stupid.* Like, why can't I just stay awake? Is this what being an adult is? Just perpetually tired and missing your stops? I got home and my roommate was asleep, obviously. The house was dark. I just stood in the living room for a bit, in the dark, looking out the window at the perfect lawns across the street. Everyone else's houses were dark too. No one knows I'm doing this, all these shifts, all this extra... living. It feels like I'm running on empty, but the tank keeps needing to be refilled, and I'm the one who has to do it. It's just exhausting. And now I have to get up in five hours and do it all again. It's not even a question of IF I'll sleep on the bus tonight, but WHEN.