I honestly don't even know what to do with myself anymore. I’m just so tired. All the time. My whole life is taking care of other people. My little brother, my dad, my grandma. It’s always me. Always. Since I was a kid. Since forever. I’m the one who remembers appointments, who cooks dinner, who makes sure everyone has what they need. And if I don’t, nobody else will. I dropped out of high school for a year to help out and now I’m finally in college, finally trying to build something for myself, and I still can’t escape it. Every phone call is an emergency. Every text is someone needing something. I just want to exist for five minutes without someone needing me to fix their life. And then tonight. We were studying for this stupid philosophy final. Me and my roommate. She’s just… easy. You know? She just IS. No drama, no asking for things, just being there. We were in our room, the lights low, listening to some lofi beats, and I was trying to make sense of Kant’s ethics or something, and she just looked over at me. Like, really looked at me. And smiled. And her hair was kinda messy and she had that tired look she gets when she’s been studying for too long, but it was just… nice. And my stomach just did this weird flip thing. Like when you miss a step. And I thought, “What the FUCK was that?” Because I’ve only ever dated guys. My whole life. And it’s always just been… guys. And this was just… different. Like, REALLY different. And confusing. And I don’t even know what to call it. I just wanted to keep looking at her. And it’s so stupid. So incredibly stupid. Because I have so much on my plate already. So much actual real life stuff to deal with. And now this? Now I have to figure out… this? I can’t. I just cannot. I can’t deal with another thing. I just want to go to sleep and forget about everything. But I keep thinking about her smile. Goddammit.