You know when you just… you get stuck. Like your brain just CAN'T stop.
It’s like 2 AM. Or maybe 3. Idk. The sun’s gonna be up soon and I’m still just scrolling. Not even looking for anything specific. Just… other people’s stuff. Like their portfolios. All the cool designs they did, the big companies they worked with. And it’s like – why can’t *I* do that? Why don’t *my* things look like that? You see their stuff and it’s all so polished and perfect, and then you look at your own gig-work, the little logos you made for some random person’s dog walking business, and it just feels so… small. So not enough.
And then you start thinking about all the time you're wasting. All these hours just disappearing while you're staring at a screen, feeling like crap. And you know you gotta get up for school in a few hours. Or you have that one client who wants a revision by like, noon. And you’re just gonna be DEAD. Like, totally useless. And then you feel even WORSE because now you’re not only feeling bad about your work, you’re feeling bad about wasting time, and feeling bad about feeling bad. It’s like a spiral, but it’s all in your head.
It’s not even like I don’t try. I do. I mean, I spend hours on these projects for people. Trying to make them look good. But then you see someone else’s stuff and it’s like, NOPE. You’re just not good enough. And you think, what’s the point? Why even bother? If I’m just gonna be this… whatever. This person who stays up all night looking at other people’s amazing lives while mine is just… here.
I mean, I don't even — whatever. It just feels like there’s so much to do. And so many people doing it better. And you just… you don't even know where to start. Or how to stop. And then the sun starts coming up and you’re just still here. Stuck. Knowing you’re gonna regret this all day. But you can't, like, UNSEE it. And you can't just magically be good. So what do you even do.
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