You know that feeling when you mess up so bad you can barely look at yourself? That’s me right now. Like, I’m supposed to be this grown-up freelancer, making my OWN money, choosing my OWN hours, but I’m totally failing at the most basic stuff. It’s so embarrassing. My dad, he was ALL about discipline, about having a plan and sticking to it. If I told him I needed someone to tell me when to eat or when to work on a project, he’d probably just stare at me, disappointed. And he wouldn’t even say anything, which would be WORSE. Like, I KNOW how to make a schedule. I just… can’t. I started hiring this virtual assistant, right? Just for, like, emails and stuff. But then I noticed I couldn't even start my day without her telling me what to do. Like, "Okay, first, you need to finish that essay for English. Then you have to eat lunch. Then practice guitar." And if she doesn't tell me, I just kinda… float. I waste SO much time. Hours just disappear. And it’s not even like I'm doing fun stuff. I’m just… frozen. It makes me feel like such a baby. Like, how am I supposed to be a real adult if I can't even remember to, like, do my laundry without someone reminding me? It’s not a skill I thought I’d lose, you know? Sometimes I think about how different things were back when… well, before. Everything was so clear then. You had your orders, you followed them. No thinking, just doing. And now, out here, it's just… everything is open. Too open, maybe. And it just makes everything feel so BIG and blurry. Like, I pay someone to organize my life for me, someone I’ve never even met, and I don't know what that says about me. It feels like a secret I have to keep, even though it’s just… my life. My incredibly messy, chaotic, can’t-function-without-a-stranger-telling-me-what-to-do life. I wish I knew how to fix it.