i know this is gonna sound so stupid but like... sometimes i just wanna just stay asleep forever. not like in a bad way, not like that, just like... i just wanna close my eyes and not have to think about the alarm or the shift or getting home and doing all the stuff. it’s like... i don’t even know what i’m confessing really, it’s just this feeling i get sometimes when i’m like, staring at the ceiling after my shift, and the sun is just coming up and everyone else is just waking up and i’m just dead tired but i can’t sleep cuz i gotta do that one thing. that really big thing. for someone. and it’s like... why me? you know? it’s not fair. i know it’s not fair for *them* either, but like, i’m just a kid still and i got school and stuff and my friends are all doing their own thing and i’m here with my stupid stupid shopping list. and it’s not even just the groceries, it’s everything else too. the cleaning, the dishes, making sure there’s enough of that special thing they need, cuz if i don’t do it, who will? no one else is gonna. and my head just feels so full all the time, like there’s a million tabs open and i can’t close any of them. and i get so mad sometimes, like, so FUMING mad, but i can’t even say anything cuz then i’m the bad guy right? i’m the selfish one. and i hate that. i hate feeling like i can’t even be mad or tired or anything cuz someone else has it worse. like yeah, i get it, they do. but what about ME? when do i get to just... be a regular person? when do i get to just chill and not have to think about whether we have enough milk or if i remembered to pick up that special bread for them. it’s just so much. and then i feel guilty for even thinking this stuff. like i’m a terrible person for being annoyed or tired or for just wanting to sleep in sometimes. and i can’t tell anyone in real life cuz they’d all be like "oh but they’re your family" or "you’re doing such a good thing" and i know! i KNOW i am! but it still sucks. it just really, really sucks and i’m so tired of it and i don’t know how much longer i can keep pretending everything is fine cuz it’s not. it’s really not. and i just want to cry but i can’t even do that cuz i gotta keep it together for the next thing. always the next thing.