I know this is stupid but I just need to get it out because it’s been bothering me all week. It’s not a big deal really, but it just… it got to me. So my mom, she was over this past weekend, which is usually fine, I mean, it’s not *fine* but it’s what we do. My son, Leo, he’s three, and he loves his grandma. Or he used to. He still tries to, you know? Like he’ll bring her his little toy cars and say “Grandma, look!” and she’ll just… look. That’s what happened Saturday. I was in the kitchen, trying to make some kind of lunch, probably something quick because I’m always trying to do five things at once, and Leo was playing on the rug in the living room. My mom was sitting on the sofa, just staring. And I mean *staring*. Not at Leo, not at the TV, just… at the wall opposite her. Or maybe through it. It’s hard to tell these days. And Leo, he ran up to her with his little red fire truck, all excited, and he held it up and said “Grandma, truck!” and she didn’t even blink. She just sat there. And Leo, he’s a persistent little guy, so he tried again, a bit louder this time. “GRANDMA! Truck!” And still nothing. Her eyes were wide open, totally blank. Like a doll's eyes, you know? It made me feel sick to my stomach. Like a cold knot forming right there. And Leo, he just stood there for a second, his arm still outstretched with the toy, and then his little face just crumpled. He didn’t make a sound, but his lip started trembling and his eyes got all watery and he just dropped the truck and ran to me in the kitchen. He buried his face in my leg, clinging on, and I picked him up and he was just silently sobbing into my shoulder. No big cries, just these tiny little hitching breaths. And I looked over at my mom, still on the couch, still just staring, and I wanted to scream. I wanted to shake her. I wanted to ask her if she even *saw* him, if she even *cared*. But what’s the point? She wouldn’t understand. She can’t. And that’s the part that just eats at me. I held Leo so tight, just rubbing his back, trying to shush him even though he wasn’t really making noise, and I felt this… rage. Like a hot, burning thing right behind my eyes. Not at Leo, obviously. Not even really at my mom, because it’s not her fault. It’s just… everything. This whole situation. My brothers, where the HELL are they? My sister, she sends a text once a month asking how ‘things’ are, like she’s talking about the weather. This isn’t a ‘thing,’ this is my LIFE. My entire life, on hold, while I watch this happen. I put Leo down eventually and he just played quietly by himself, which is so not like him. He’s usually bouncing off the walls, a total tornado. And I kept glancing at my mom, just to make sure she was still breathing, I guess. And I felt so guilty for feeling angry. Is that weird? Does everyone feel this? This immense, suffocating anger at a situation that no one can control? I don’t know. I just felt like a terrible person for being so mad when all she’s doing is sitting there. But then I think about Leo, his little face, how sad he was. And it just makes me see red all over again. He doesn’t understand why Grandma doesn’t play anymore. Why she doesn’t talk to him or laugh at his silly noises. And how do I explain that to a three-year-old? How do I tell him that the person he loves is slowly fading away, right in front of him, and there’s absolutely nothing I can do? I can’t. I just can’t. So I spent the rest of the day just… on edge. Snapping at Leo when he was just being a kid, apologizing immediately, feeling like a total failure. Trying to pretend everything was normal, trying to pretend *I* was normal. But I’m not. I’m exhausted. I’m so, so tired of the performance. Of acting like this is all just fine, that I’m handling it, that I’ve got everything under control. I don’t. I really, really don’t. And seeing my mom just sit there, staring blankly, while my son’s heart breaks a little bit… it just feels like too much. It feels like I’m drowning and I can’t tell anyone.