okay so family dinners are like… a whole thing right? like everyone's gotta pretend everything's great and you just sit there smiling but inside you’re like a scream. so last night we had one cause my uncle just got a new car — some like fancy suv thing that costs more than my tuition for a year probably — and everyone’s like oh my god it's SO nice and my dad’s like yeah pretty sweet ride huh and i’m just sitting there like yep real sweet while thinking about my own car that barely starts sometimes and has like a check engine light that’s been on since christmas. is that weird? to feel that way about your uncle’s car? like obviously i’m happy for him but also my brain just goes straight to like… how is he doing that and i’m over here eating instant noodles for dinner again. and then the worst part is my mom keeps asking me about my classes like are you still doing good and i'm like yeah mom everything's fine and she's like that's my smart boy and i just wanna be like mom i'm literally drowning in homework and i cried in the library last week cause i thought i failed my calc midterm but instead i just smile and say yeah it's good. it’s like i have to put on this whole show for them that i'm this like chill college kid who has it all together when really i spend half my time just trying to figure out if i can afford to buy coffee or if i should just make it at home. anyone else feel like their whole life is just one big act for their parents? and then my brother comes up and he's like yeah this thing drives like a DREAM you should take it for a spin sometime and i’m like totally dude sounds great. and he’s being so nice about it but i just feel this like… pang in my stomach. like he’s so proud of his new car and i’m like barely making rent on my tiny apartment that smells like stale pizza sometimes. and i know it's not a competition but it feels like one sometimes when you’re around family right? like everyone's silently comparing themselves to everyone else and i'm just like way behind. i think the worst part is just feeling like i can't say anything to anyone. like if i told my parents or my brother how i really feel about all this they'd just be like oh you're just stressed honey or like you'll get there one day. but it’s not just stress you know? it’s this like constant pressure that everyone else has their life figured out and i’m just here trying to pass organic chemistry. am i the only one who feels like the world is moving so fast and i'm stuck in slow motion sometimes? like i'm just treading water and everyone else is on a speedboat. i just wanna like scream sometimes you know? but i can't. so i’m just sitting here in my dorm room at 2am typing this out cause i can't sleep and my brain won't shut up about like… everything. about that stupid car and how much it costs and how i'm never gonna get one and how i still have so much to do and like what am i even doing with my life. it’s just a lot. and like i said i’m happy for him i really am but it just also makes me feel really REALLY small and like a loser. idk. anyone else?