Is it just me or do we all have these secret lives operating just beneath the surface, like deep sea creatures nobody ever sees? And you think you're living one life but you're actually living like three or four and sometimes they all crash together and it’s just total chaos and you just gotta keep swimming and smiling and pretending everything is fine but it's not and you're just DROWNING. Like I’m here and I'm a parent, right, and that’s my identity now and it’s supposed to be enough, it's supposed to be EVERYTHING but it’s not and I miss the person I was and sometimes I wonder if that person even exists anymore and it’s all just this massive guilt trip and then I think about my sister and her tuition and the bank account and my wife and it’s like a whole other world I’m running and it just feels so… fundamental. Like this is who I am now. And it’s not about the money, not really, not for me anyway, it’s about her, my little sister, she's so smart, like a proper genius and she deserves everything, she needs this education and I can’t tell my wife, I just can’t, not about how much it costs, not about the separate account and the transfers, because she’d flip, she just wouldn't get it and it would break everything and I just can't, I CAN'T let that happen and so I work and I save and I transfer in secret and I feel like a damn criminal sometimes and it just eats at me but then I see her grades and her letters and it’s all worth it but then there’s this other side of me, this little whisper that’s like, what about YOU? What about what you want? And that's the scary part, the part that keeps me up at night, because I don't even know what that is anymore and I just feel so lost in all these roles and all these secrets and it's all just one big tangled mess. And I know, I know it sounds bad, the secrets and all that but it feels necessary, like a silent promise I made before all of this, before the house and the kids and the staying home and the routine, and it feels like the last piece of myself that’s still… wild. And I wonder, does anyone else feel like this? Like you're constantly performing for different audiences and losing yourself in the process? And does anyone else have a secret bank account for something nobody else understands? Because it just feels like I'm building this entire invisible structure of my life and it could all just crumble at any moment and I just… I don't know what to do.