Sometimes I wonder if like, everyone else is faking it too? Or just me. Like, I posted my daily workout video today, full energy, all smiles, showing off the new protein powder I got free from that sponsor. And five minutes before that I was in my tiny kitchen, probably not even big enough for a cat, stirring instant noodles. Again. The cheap kind, the ones that come in a plastic bag with like, three spice packets. And I was just… staring at the clock. Counting the seconds till I had to put on the happy face. It’s just… a lot, sometimes. I wake up at 0400, every single day. My body just… does it. Like, even if I sleep at 2300, 0400 and my eyes are open. I think it’s from when I was a kid, you know? When everything was timed. When you had to be ready. It’s hard to shake. And then I have to do all the stuff. The gym, the videos, the answering comments, smiling like I’m full of sunshine. But inside, it just feels like someone drained all the air out of me. Like a flat tire. Last week, I almost messed up a video. I was supposed to be doing these burpees, really fast, really strong. And my arms just… gave out. Like a total noodle. I had to quick cut it and pretend it was part of the ‘real life workout bloopers’ thing. But it wasn’t. It was just… I was so tired. I hadn't eaten anything real in days. Just those cheap noodles and whatever free samples I could get. My studio is so small, I can barely stretch out without hitting the wall. And the rent… it’s a lot. People see the videos and they think I’m rich or something. They don’t see the instant noodles. They don’t see me trying to make a 2-minute video look like my whole life. My dad used to always say "discipline is freedom." He said it all the time. Like, when I didn't want to get up for drills or something. But it doesn't feel like freedom now. It feels like a cage. A really sparkly, high-energy cage that I built for myself. And I don’t know how to get out. Or if I even want to. What would I even do? Who would I be if I wasn't the 'fitness coach'? Just some tired kid eating noodles alone in my tiny apartment. Does anyone else ever feel like this? Like you’re playing a part, and the part is SO much bigger than you are? Like you’re always just on the edge of getting caught? Sometimes I think about just… stopping. Just deleting everything. But then what? Back to… what? I don’t even know what ‘back to’ is anymore. My whole life is this. The videos. The noodles. The faking it. It’s kinda scary, honestly.