You know sometimes you just hit a wall and it’s not even a big wall you just like...stop. Like the other day I made that thing, the apple one. Always been their favorite, since I was a kid. My mama, I mean. Always asking for it, “Did you make the apple thing? Is it the good one?” And I did, I spent all afternoon on it, like four hours after the little ones finally quieted down, just for someone who used to get SO excited and now...nothing. Just a blank stare, and then asking what it was. What it WAS. And you just sit there, you know? Like this is supposed to hurt, this is supposed to make you cry, and it does, you feel it coming, that wetness behind your eyes, but it’s silent. You don’t make a sound. Because what's the point? And you start thinking about everything else too, not just the pie. You start thinking about how you ended up here, in this kitchen, with this particular smell, making this particular thing for someone who doesn’t even know you. All the choices, all the times you thought "nah, not that way, this way is better, this way is...safer" or "this way will make them happy" and now you’re stuck. No money for a sitter for a night out, not really, not if you want to make rent and keep the lights on. Not enough left at the end of the month to just *do something* different. It’s just this cycle, over and over, and you kinda wonder if the blank stare is contagious. If you’re gonna wake up one day and not know yourself, either. It's just… you give everything, you know? Like every single bit of whatever you got in your tank, and then some. And you just keep going because what else are you gonna do? And then one day, it’s not even a big dramatic thing, it’s just a piece of pie. A piece of apple pie. And someone you love more than anything in the whole damn world just looks at it like it’s a stranger. Like *you’re* a stranger. And you just...sit there. And the tears just roll down your face and you wipe them away before anyone sees them because what's the point of letting them see? What's the point of even feeling it? It just IS.