i dont know if this is a real problem or just something dumb my head cooks up but like i got this call from my dad last week and it just kinda sat with me you know he was asking about the big press down in the old factory where he used to be a foreman before he retired i mean he built that thing practically with his bare hands or so he always says and its true he was always tinkering with everything and could fix anything but now hes asking me if i could like go down there and take a look at it because its making a funny noise he said he asked the new guys but they dont know what theyre doing and hes worried theyll break it for good and he was asking me to go fix it you know and its like hes a couple hundred miles away now with mom and he cant just pop down there but im still here in town working at the same damn place just on the floor now not in charge like he was its like he doesnt even realize that i dont have the keys to the kingdom anymore or that im just another guy clocking in and out i mean i could probably get in there and poke around but im not a mechanic anymore really not like he was and it just feels weird and heavy i told him yeah sure pop ill see what i can do but i dont know if i will its not like i can just walk in there and start taking things apart like he could it just feels like a lot you know and every time we talk on the phone he asks about it like hes waiting for me to go be him or something like im supposed to just know what to do with his machine and it makes my stomach hurt a little because i dont want to disappoint him but i dont want to go near that thing either it brings up all this old stuff all these choices i made or didnt make and i dont know it just kinda hangs there between us i guess