I don’t know why I’m even writing this here, like anyone cares, but it’s 2 AM and I’m just… sitting. In the kitchen. The quiet is SO loud it’s driving me nuts. Made myself a plate of noodles, just for me, which feels weird. Like, always cooked for my kids, for my parents, for Abuelo… now it’s just me. And I keep looking at that empty chair at the end of the table. His chair. He’s gone, you know. My grandfather. Passed a few weeks ago. And I… I miss him. I really do. But there’s this other feeling too. Is it okay to say it? Relief. Like a big, heavy weight just… lifted off my chest. And I feel so guilty even thinking it, let alone typing it where someone might actually read it. We were immigrants, you know. His whole world was here, in this house, with us. And for the last few years, it was me mostly. Cooking, cleaning, making sure he took his meds. It was… a lot. My kids are grown, out of the house, so I was the one. And everyone just *assumed* I’d do it. And I did. I loved him, obviously. But there were days I just wanted to scream. To go somewhere, anywhere, by myself. To not have to think about anyone else’s needs for five minutes. And now that he’s gone, and that quiet is here, and I can make just one plate of noodles if I want, and eat it without someone asking for something… it’s a strange kind of freedom. But it’s also this huge hole. Like, who am I now? Am I just… the daughter who used to take care of her grandpa? Is that all I was? And now I feel like I’m waiting for the next thing, the next person to need me. Is that what humans do? Just jump from one caregiver role to another? Like we don’t know how to just BE? I’m 35. Most people my age are still hustling, building stuff. I feel like I just finished a really long, exhausting shift. And I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do with this quiet. This peace. It feels… wrong somehow. Like I earned it by losing someone I loved. Is that messed up? Does everyone feel like this after someone passes? Or am I just a terrible person? Probably the latter. I just needed to say it out loud, to someone, anyone. Even if it’s just the internet. Thanks for reading, I guess. If you even got this far.