I dropped my mother off at the adult daycare today. She asked if I was coming back soon. I told her yes, like I always do. It's a lie. I drop her there three times a week. I WORK two jobs. Someone has to pay for this. My kids need clothes, they need food. She needs her medication. The bills don't pay themselves. I watched her through the window, waving goodbye to the staff. She looked so small. So lost. She used to be so strong. She raised me alone. Never complained. Always had a hot meal on the table. Now she just sits and stares. It KILLS me. I feel like I am abandoning her. Every single time. My second job starts at 1pm. I don't have time to sit and feel sorry for myself. I have to make a living. But the guilt is a physical weight. It sits on my chest. It makes it hard to breathe sometimes. I pull into the parking lot, I clock in, I smile at the customers. No one knows. No one can know. My mother deserves better. She deserves to be with her family. Not in some sterile room, watching daytime television with strangers. But I can't be everywhere at once. My kids need me. My mother needs me. And I just need to keep going. I just need to survive. Sometimes I just want to scream. I want to tell everyone how much it hurts. How much I resent it. How much I hate this. But I can't. I just put on my uniform and I go to work. I make my calls. I sell my products. I come home. I make dinner. I help with homework. And then I do it all again. I pick her up at 5pm. She's always happy to see me. Always thanks me for coming back for her. And I tell her I love her. I tell her I'll always come back for her. And I mean it. I just wish it didn't feel so WRONG. Every single time.