i feel like a total monster but i gotta say it... my mom died two weeks ago and i actually feel relief. like actual, physical WEIGHT lifted. she was disabled my whole life, not like a little disabled either, full on debilitating chronic pain for 30+ years. i was her 'primary caregiver' since i was like 8. now i just… exist. and it's so quiet. i'm 32 and suddenly have this space in my head and i have no idea what to do with it. is this like, survivor's guilt? idk lol, maybe i'm just a bad person.