I’m just... I’m losing my mind like I really am honestly I’m gonna break this is insane you know? it’s 2 am and I’m supposed to be studying for this midterm on goddamn medieval literature or whatever the hell it is but all I can think about is my mom and like the kids and it’s just this constant tug-of-war in my head I swear to god. My mom she’s out there in that huge house all by herself in the middle of nowhere practically you know how these suburban sprawls are just designed to make you feel isolated it’s brutal and she keeps calling me like every other day just saying she’s lonely or she saw a spider or something trivial and it’s just her way of saying she misses me she needs me but it’s SO exhausting. And then I look at my kids you know they’re little they NEED me for everything like literally everything from snacks to wiping butts to explaining why the sky is blue for the hundredth time and they’re so sweet and innocent and I feel like a monster for even thinking about leaving them for a second to go spend time with my mom even though she’s my MOM you know? She raised me and she’s alone and I feel this immense guilt this fucking crushing weight of guilt that I’m not there for her more but also if I’m there for her then I’m not here for them and my classes are already a joke because I can barely keep up with anything this semester I feel like I'm drowning in overdue readings and half-assed essays. I just wish there was like a clone of me you know one for the kids one for my mom and one just for me to actually finish this damn degree before I turn into a raisin but that’s not how it works is it. It’s just me and like I said I’m gonna break I can feel it happening I really think I’m gonna just snap one of these days and what then like what happens when I finally just collapse from all this pressure I don’t even know what I’m asking for I just needed to say it out loud somewhere that like no one can hear me or judge me for feeling this way because it’s a lot it’s just SO much to handle sometimes.