ok this is stupid but i need to say it out loud even if it’s just to strangers on the internet so my mom has been staying with us since her hip surgery like six weeks ago and honestly it’s been A LOT she’s not like… difficult exactly but she needs help with everything and i’m already working full time w the kids and their insane schedules and my husband travels a ton so it’s just me holding everything together tonight was just… one of those nights you know? sophie had a meltdown bc her homework was hard then liam kept asking for snacks every five minutes after dinner then my mom called me to her room bc she couldn’t find the tv remote AGAIN even though it was right there next to her hand on the nightstand and i just felt this… like… i don’t even know what the word is. this crushing weight. like i was gonna snap. every single person in this house needed something from me and i was so DRAINED i literally felt myself dissociate a little bit just to get through it finally everyone was in bed and i was just finishing up some emails for work and i heard my mom’s door close and i knew she’d taken her sleeping pill and was finally out for the night and i swear to god i let out this huge sigh. like a full body release. and i almost felt… relief? genuine relief? and then immediately this wave of GUILT washed over me. like what kind of monster sighs in relief when their OWN MOTHER finally goes to sleep? like she’s here bc she NEEDS me and i’m over here like thank god she’s unconscious so i can finally BREATHE is that messed up? am i like a horrible daughter? a horrible person? i know it’s just a temporary situation and she’s family but i just feel like i’m failing everyone all the time. my boss is probably pissed i’m not more present. my kids are probably missing out on quality time. and my mom—my poor mom—is just trying to recover and i’m over here secretly counting the minutes until she’s asleep. it’s not like i’m wishing her ill or anything it’s just… i don’t know. it’s like there’s no room for me in my own life anymore. like i’m just a resource dispenser. is that normal for this stage of life? anyone else feel this weird complex emotional dissonance when caring for an elderly parent? like i love her so much but i also just… want five minutes of quiet without someone needing something. i just wanna curl up in a ball and disappear for a day. is that too much to ask for?