okay so like anyone else just totally screw up their life because they’re so busy trying to keep everyone else’s together i’m literally staring at a blank screen it’s like three weeks until my dissertation is due and i have NOTHING and i mean nothing for it i spent the last month just like totally gone like playing video games all night long every night like i’m talking monster hunter world like all the time i just couldn’t stop it was the only thing that made my brain shut up for five minutes you know it’s like that feeling when you just need to turn everything off and just be somewhere else i swear i was just trying to survive but now i’m just like so much worse off because of it and it’s not even like i chose to do that it’s just like every single day is a new emergency right my mom calls because she can’t figure out her phone bill my dad needs a ride to god knows where my little brother is failing classes and i’m the one who has to go talk to his teachers and then there’s jake who needs me for everything i swear he can’t even find his socks without me and it’s just always ME always everything always and everyone is just like oh you’re so smart you’re so good at this you can handle it like i’m some kind of robot or something but i’m not i’m just like falling apart here i feel sick to my stomach every time i even think about this dissertation like what am i even going to say i have nothing original left in my head it’s all just mashed potatoes up there and i know i should be writing i know it but i just can’t even open the document without feeling like i’m gonna throw up am i the only one who just totally disappears when things get too hard because i just like can’t deal with it anymore now i’m just gonna fail out of my phd after all this work all this time all this money it’s just gonna be gone because i couldn’t stop playing games because i was so burnt out trying to be everyone else’s everything i don’t even know what to do anymore i just feel like such a failure like all this time i spent trying to make sure everyone else was okay just blew up in my face and now i’m the one who’s totally screwed like completely and utterly screwed