Okay so like this is SO embarrassing to even type out but I just gotta know if like anyone else has ever felt this way? Because I feel like a total monster sometimes, no, most of the time. So my mom, she's kinda like, not doing great health-wise, right? And it's like, just me and her here, like always has been. My aunt and uncle, they live like super far away, upstate somewhere, and they come visit, like, ONCE a year, usually for Christmas. And my mom gets all excited and stuff, and I gotta clean the whole house, like it's a museum or something, even though it's just gonna get messy again and I'm the one who has to clean it up afterwards because my mom can't and they don't offer. And it's like, they bring her flowers and little gifts and act all concerned, like "oh poor Martha, how are you DOING?" and I just stand there, like a potted plant, because I'm the one who's here every single day, doing all the stuff, cleaning up after her, making sure she eats, all the gross stuff you don't even wanna think about. And they're like, "oh you're such a good kid, helping your mom," and I just wanna scream, like, NO, I'M NOT. Because here's the SUPER messed up part. Sometimes, when they're here, all sweet and caring, and my mom is all happy and laughing with them, like she barely ever does with me, I just wish they would like, STAY. Like, for good. And take her with them. Or that they would just never come back. I know that sounds like, REALLY awful, and I hate myself for thinking it, but it's just so much pressure, you know? Like, I'm still trying to finish school online, and I do these stupid little gigs to make cash, like delivering stuff or pet-sitting, whatever I can get, because we NEED the money, like, a LOT. And if I don't get enough gigs, then it's like, really scary. And I’m always tired, like, BONE tired. I literally fall asleep sometimes doing my homework, and then I wake up with the laptop indent on my face. It's not like I have a normal job with, like, a regular paycheck or anything. It’s just this constant grind, you know? So when they show up, all well-rested and smelling like fancy soap, and they’re all like, "we're SO proud of you for helping your mom," all I can think is, you have no IDEA. NO. IDEA. And then I think, what if something bad happened to one of them, like, what if they couldn’t come next year? Would that be, like, a relief? And then I just feel like the WORST human being on the planet. Like, who even thinks stuff like that? Am I, like, totally broken? Like, a bad person for wishing sometimes that the people who show up once a year and act all nice would just like, disappear? Or take my mom with them? I can't even tell anyone this in real life. I feel so ashamed. It's just... it's a lot. And I'm so tired.