Okay so this is super dumb, like, you're gonna read this and be like "wow what a whiner" but sometimes you just... you feel it, you know? Like this tiny little ache in your chest that just kinda grows and grows until you think it’s gonna burst. And you know it’s stupid because it’s not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things, like there are people with REAL problems, but it feels big to *you*. And then you feel bad for feeling bad cause you’re supposed to be tough, especially when your husband is like, halfway across the world doing actual important stuff. But yeah. So my dad, he had this really bad surgery last week. Like, his back, it was all messed up, and he’s like, 70 now? So it’s not just a little thing. And he’s home now, but he’s basically stuck on the couch, can barely move. My mom calls me, like, every day at 10 AM my time, which is like 3 AM for them, and she tells me he’s just sitting there, watching golf, can’t even pick up the remote himself. And you know, you think, "okay, he's got my mom there, he's fine," but sometimes you just wanna be there, you know? Like, make him his stupid oatmeal with extra brown sugar that he always pretends he doesn't want but eats anyway. Or just sit on the floor next to the couch and read a book while he watches his golf. Just BE there. And that’s the stupid part. Cause I’m here. Like, I’m in this apartment, deployed here with my husband, and it’s okay, it’s fine, it’s actually really nice. But sometimes you just wish you could magic yourself to a different place, just for a little bit. And then you feel like a jerk for even thinking that, cause my husband is literally risking his life and I’m here complaining about not being able to make my dad oatmeal. It's just... it's a lot. And you just wish you didn’t feel so far away, all the time. Like, you can't even count how many days it's been since you saw him last, and you probably won't see him for months, and what if something happens, and I wasn’t there? Like, that's the part that gets you, you know? The "what if.