I saw the news today, like a quick blip on my phone while I was making lunch, about that big earthquake overseas. Horrific, truly. Buildings just gone, people… well, you know. And my immediate thought, my *actual* immediate thought, wasn't 'oh, I should donate,' or 'how terrible for those families.' No. It was 'am I having the turkey sandwich or the leftover pasta?' And then I paused, literally with my hand hovering over the fridge door handle, and thought, 'Gail, you heartless old cow.' Because how can you see something like that, something so utterly devastating, and your first, most pressing concern is your mid-day meal? It makes me feel… I don't know, like I've missed a fundamental human setting or something. Like the 'empathy' dial is just stuck on low. It’s not like I don't care, not really. I mean, I *do* care. If someone asked, if it came up in conversation, I'd say 'oh, that's just awful.' And I'd probably even click a link and send five bucks if it was super easy. But that initial, gut reaction? That pure, unadulterated selfishness? That's what bothers me. I remember once, back when I was still at Sterling & Finch, during the Q3 performance reviews, I got dinged for 'lack of team synergy,' which was code for 'Gail doesn't pretend to like Brenda in accounts payable.' And I remember thinking, 'synergy? You want *synergy* when the quarterly projections are flat?' I pushed for my bonus anyway, argued my case. Got it too, actually. But even then, I knew my focus was always, *always* on the next thing for *me*. And it's not just big disasters, it's the small stuff too. Like seeing a panhandler on the street and pretending I'm on a call, or just looking straight ahead. I've been doing that for decades. And now, I’m retired, got a nice pension, my little condo with the two cats and the good coffee machine, and I still can't shake the feeling that I'm fundamentally… broken, maybe? Or just built differently. I just ate the turkey sandwich, by the way. It was good. And I still haven't donated. See? Like, what's wrong with me?