i just sent money again. like always. its not even a huge amount really but for them it like changes everything and it just makes me feel so weird you know. like im doing my part or something. but also im just sitting here in my tiny ass student apartment in a city i still barely know and its snowing AGAIN and im just looking at my phone like yeah i sent it. the confirmation email just landed. and all i can think about is my mom and dad like getting that message and being relieved and im here being like wow im a good son right. but it feels so hollow sometimes. like im doing the absolute bare minimum by just pushing buttons on an app. i mean theyre old now right. and i guess i should be there. i remember my dad always saying like when you get older you need to take care of your parents and im doing that sort of. financially. but like my mom has that cough again i heard it on the phone last week and i cant even be there to like tell her to go to the doctor or make her tea or anything. im literally a thousand miles away or more idk i never checked the exact distance. its just so far. and i barely even call anymore bc im always studying or working my part time gig or just kinda zoning out cuz im so tired. so yeah i sent the money. its done. and i should feel good about it i guess. but it just makes me feel worse. like a coward almost. bc its easier to send money than to be there and deal with everything and be the son they actually deserve. the one who's there. who makes them laugh. who helps with the groceries. not just some kinda ATM overseas you know. i dont know. it just sucks. and i have like three papers due this week and my head is just not in the game. at all.