Failure fears: You're Not the Only One

Kitchen light hums in the middle of the night—it’s that same buzz from thirty years ago when the rent was late and the truck wouldn’t start.

I shouldn't even be awake right now because I have that thing at work tomorrow—well, it's technically today now—and if I mess up one more time the supervisor is going to have a field day, but… …

I have always believed in the chain of command, in the necessity of the mission. …

I honestly don't know why I even bother with these things, my mother always said I have a "competitive streak" which is just a nice way of saying I’m a BITTER loser, but anyway, I spent three days on… …

I just found these old emails from my first week of teaching and I kind of want to crawl into a hole and stay there forever.

I’m just a selfish kid who got raised to be a soldier but ended up being nothing. …

I missed the 10 PM dose of his anticoagulant because I fell asleep on the rug.

I forgot how to write a basic for-loop today in front of the whole team...

I am literally staring at a white screen and I think I might throw up. …

I am currently seated in a beige plastic chair in a room that smells of industrial floor wax and failure—my failure.

so im at my grams house right now its 2:16am and i cant sleep bc i keep thinking about what happened this afternoon. …

My partner kept saying "It’s an investment, it’s sweat equity," which is such a ridiculous phrase when you think about it. …

Clinical vs Urgent:* "systemic collapse," "rapid liquidation," "neural pathways. …

Staring at three mismatched Tupperware lids that don't fit anything. …

I stayed in the truck today when I was supposed to drop him off at the little pre-k place.

I cant stop thinking about what a coward I am. …

I shouldn't even be awake right now because I have a meeting at eight with the regional board about the new tourism campaign (which is a joke anyway because who actually wants to vacation in a town… …

My dissertation is due in exactly three weeks. …

It is probably just a mood, but I am sitting here in the dark with a plate of cold risotto and I cannot stop thinking I have done something wrong.

Thirty years of studying the neurological pathways of memory, the way the brain tries to save itself from the ravages of time, and all I had to do was walk across the street to the Hilton and say it… …