Midlife Body Betrayal: You're Not the Only One

And I’m 52, I’m a construction worker, I mean, I *was* a construction worker and this knee, it’s been bothering me for years, just a dull ache then a sharp stab and then it was this constant grinding… …

I honestly don’t know what to do anymore, it feels like everything is just… crumbling, you know? …

Me, the steady hand, the dependable automaton, now fumbling with parts that could send an entire batch of widgets straight to the scrap heap. …

But I can't even get through my own sun salutations without feeling that snap in my hip or just… wobbling. …

You know that feeling when your brain just — *poof* — turns to mush and suddenly those freelance articles are taking like twice as long (and you really need that check) but you just can't make… …

The air con on the old Leylands is more of a suggestion than a function anyway, so I’m just sat there, sweat pooling under my uniform shirt, trying to pretend I’m not melting. …

And it’s not just that, it's happening all the time now, with common words, and it makes me feel like I’m failing them, like I’m already gone even though I’m still here, stuck wondering what I could… …

Like phantom limbs, almost. …

so I kept it a secret and I worked harder and I pushed through the pain and I put on a brave face every single day, and now it's over and I don't have to pretend anymore but I still don't know who I… …

like im 47 and suddenly im the stiffest person in the room which is INSANE when youre the one leading the class you know and trying to pretend like your pigeon pose isnt screaming at you while you… …

It’s funny, you spend your whole life being told to keep your eyes on the prize, to focus, to maintain that ocular discipline, and then one day your own damn eyes betray you. …

I used to think my hands were tools, instruments of precision. …

That’s probably why this feeling now… it feels like betrayal. …

Bone tired. …

I saw this old guy at the factory the other day, like, really SAW him. …

It’s exhausting, then I go into work, you try to lead a meeting, and all you can think about is that feeling, that feeling of knowing you should have just kept painting. …

I just… I can’t even believe this is happening, and I’m so mad, just incandescent with it, and it's not even at him, not really, but at the whole stupid situation and at myself for being so… I don't… …

You ever just feel like your own body is staging a hostile takeover? …

Freelancer. …

im a social worker right? …