I just feel like such a screw up, you know? Like, I'm 16 and I should be doing something cool, or at least like, actually *making money* money, not just this stupid gig stuff that barely covers my phone bill. Like, I do these little design things online, whatever, for people who want like, a cool logo or something for their dumb YouTube channel or their Etsy shop, and sometimes it pays okay, like enough for ramen and maybe a new game if I save up for forever, but other times it's like nothing for weeks and I just sit here staring at my screen like, what the actual FUCK am I doing with my life. All my friends are getting jobs, like actual W-2 jobs at the mall or Starbucks, and I'm just here hustling for like twenty bucks a pop, feeling like such a loser. It's embarrassing, man. Like, my mom always says I'm "creative" but it just feels like I'm wasting my time, honestly. And the worst part, the absolute worst part, is my mom. She used to be this super smart librarian, like, knew EVERYTHING, always reading and recommending books and stuff. And now... now it's like every single day is the first time we've met. She calls me "dear" which is nice and all, but then she’ll be like, "And who are you, dear?" or "Oh, you live here too?" and I have to go through the whole thing, again, every single day. "I'm your daughter, Mom, [my name], I teach high school, remember?" And she’ll nod and smile and be like, "Oh, of course, a teacher! How lovely!" like I just told her for the first time. It just rips me up inside every time, like, I want to scream sometimes. I try to be patient, I really do, because she can't help it, I know that. But it's just so… draining. It's like I'm already losing her, even though she's right here. And then I look at my life, this whole gig thing, and it feels like I'm not even trying, like I'm not even good enough to keep a regular job and have health insurance or something, which is what I SHOULD be doing at 35, right? Like, I’m supposed to be the grown-up one, the one taking care of things. But I feel like a kid, still, just barely scraping by, and then I have to come home and pretend everything is normal for my mom, patiently explaining who I am again. Sometimes I just wanna disappear, honestly. Just like, pack a bag and go somewhere no one knows me and I don't have to explain anything to anyone ever again. I know that sounds like a shitty thing to say, but sometimes it just gets to be too much.