i just watch her sleep you know her chest going up and down and i know shes exhausted shes been up too but this feeling of being so tired you cant even close your eyes that kind of tired where you just exist in the dark watching the ceiling fan spin i dont even know who i am anymore sometimes i used to have plans big plans and now its just feeding schedules and the sound of crying and this GUILT for wanting something else something more than this this quiet dark room and the soft breathing next to me ...