you know that feeling when you finally get a moment to yourself like a real honest to goodness quiet moment and it's like a tiny little prize you give yourself for just surviving the day or the week or whatever. like for me it's after i drop off my little cousin at soccer practice and i have maybe 30 minutes before i have to pick up my neighbor’s kid from band and i can just sort of sit in my car in the target parking lot you know. and maybe i scroll thru tiktok or just stare at the sky. it’s not even that much time but it’s MINE. and then your phone rings. and you just KNOW who it is. and it’s always like my mom or my aunt or even sometimes my dad and it's always something super urgent but like not REALLY urgent you know. like "have you seen the email about the HOA meeting" or "did you remember to take out the recycling" or "what are you making for dinner tonight" and it’s like. dude. i just want to exist for five minutes without having to think about other people’s stuff. i guess it’s just my part time gig caring for them helping them out with stuff but sometimes it feels like a full time job that i didn't even apply for. it’s not even that i don’t want to help them it’s just like sometimes you just want to sit in silence and not have to make small talk about the new sprinkler system or the neighborhood drama or why the mail is always late. and then after you hang up you just kind of feel… drained. like that little tiny bit of peace you had just evaporated. and you have to like mentally prepare yourself to go back into the world of kids and carpools and whatever. it's like a constant battle between wanting to be a good kid and just wanting to disappear for a little bit. and then you feel bad for even thinking that. i guess that’s just how it is though right. always someone needing something always a call always a text. sometimes i just wish my phone would die for a whole day straight. maybe then i’d actually get some peace. and maybe not feel so guilty about it afterward lol.