i feel like such a jerk typing this but i just gotta get it out somewhere anonymous right cause if i said this to ANYONE in real life they'd look at me like im the absolute WORST child ever. my parent – i'll just say parent cause it could be either but today it was mom – called me again. for the SIXTH time today. no joke. six. times. i work part time now which is already a whole thing with less money and feeling like im not doing enough at work even though im working HARDER in fewer hours trying to prove myself you know so i actually get like maybe two whole hours during the day when i'm NOT working and not driving or cooking or doing laundry or cleaning or dealing with bills or my own kids calling me or my stupid boss emailing me about some new "initiative." TWO. precious. hours. and every single day, every day without fail, my mom calls during those two hours. it's like she has a built-in sensor for when i finally sit down to just BREATHE. today i was actually trying to meditate. yeah i know laugh all you want but my therapist said i should try it to calm my nerves and stop feeling like my head is gonna explode all the time. so i got my little app going, candles lit, trying to imagine i'm on a beach somewhere not stuck in my messy living room with a pile of clean laundry glaring at me. and the phone RINGS. of course. it's always her. asking if i ate lunch. if i remembered to take out the trash. if i heard about so-and-so from church's grandson. it's never an emergency, just... stuff. everyday stuff. and i feel so GUILTY even thinking this but sometimes i just wanna scream into the phone, "LEAVE ME ALONE for five minutes!" but i can't. she's my mom. she's getting older. what if something actually IS wrong one day and i ignore her? that's the fear right there. so i picked up. again. and i was nice. again. pretended i wasn't just trying to find some damn peace. told her yeah i ate, trash is out, no i hadn't heard about so-and-so. and then she said "oh just checking in honey, you sound tired. are you taking care of yourself?" and i almost lost it. taking care of myself? i literally just tried to take care of myself and you interrupted it. again. but i just said "yeah mom, im fine. just a busy day." and then she wanted to tell me about her new doctor's appointment next month. next month! i just want a moment. just one moment. i just feel like im drowning in other people's needs and my own are just... nowhere. and i feel terrible for even saying this out loud or typing it here cause she means well. she does. but i just want her to stop calling. not forever. just... sometimes. you know?