I just remembered something super messed up from like, last week. So I was doing this thing, selling these stupid handmade keychains on the corner after school – which, btw, no one ever buys, but hey, rent money right? Kinda. Anyway, I was really hustling, you know, trying to make enough for... well, whatever bills were coming up. My grandma’s medicine is SO expensive and my mom works her butt off but it’s still never enough, so I try to help. I was thinking about how I needed to sell at least three more by 5pm or we might not have enough for the next refill. Like, serious pressure for a literally fifteen-year-old making dumb little resin things. My whole body felt all tight and kinda angry, thinking about all this responsibility. It’s like, my whole life has been about making sure she’s okay. Always. And then I got home, and my mom was just... sitting there. Quiet. And she told me. My grandma. She, uh, she passed away. And my first thought, which makes me wanna throw up just typing it out, my VERY FIRST thought was a huge, like, WHOOSH of relief. Not even sadness, just this big, gross, awful, *oh thank god* feeling in my stomach. Like a massive weight just got lifted off my chest. I didn't have to worry about her pills anymore. I didn't have to stress about paying for the special food, or if I sold enough keychains, or if I could pick up an extra shift at the coffee place. All that just… gone. POOF. And I felt so, so bad immediately after. Like, what kind of MONSTER thinks that? My own grandma! The one who always slipped me extra cookies even when Mom said no, the one who taught me how to crochet that one time. And I was relieved she was gone because it meant less stress for *me*. I tried to cry, honestly, I did. I even squeezed my eyes shut really hard to make tears come out. But they didn’t. And that just made me feel even more like a terrible human being. What if someone found out I thought that? I’d never be able to look anyone in the eye again. I’m just… a really messed up kid, I guess. Probably sounds like I’m a total psycho, huh? Ha. Yeah. Totally.